Stronger Than Yesterday

I'm not sure if you heard, but there was this storm, er... small HURRICANE... named Sandy... that recently came our way.  We stocked up on all the essentials and did all the things we were told to do that I knew nothing about before we moved here.  (Did you know to fill up your bathtub so your toilet will flush?  Or to buy ice ahead of time because it sells out due to refrigerators being out with power?) The bummer part of it all was that we knew Nic would be working the day the storm was scheduled to hit (Monday).  Saturday night, he got a call from his Major telling him to come in at 0600 Sunday to wait out the storm.  They wanted to make sure all hospital employees would be able to report to duty, so they called them all in early.  Which left me and the stinker home alone.  :-(  I knew we had everything we needed, but just the thought of the storm raging outside made me nervous.  Things really couldn't have gone better, though.  I stayed strong pretty much all day, and well into the evening, but after putting Audra to bed my thoughts began to wander.  Sunday night, I went to bed knowing this huge red storm cell was immediately Southeast of us, and was scheduled to go right over us before normal waking hours.  My stomach was tight with worry, but I forced myself to sleep.  Audra woke up around 2am to eat, and during those dark, quiet hours, I began to run all these scenarios through my head that Nic and I hadn't discussed. What if they come to our door and tell me I have to evacuate and they won't let me wait for Nic to get back from the hospital?  What if we have to evacuate, and Nic's on his way home but finds that an essential street is flooded?  What if the cell towers are down and one of these things happens and we can't get ahold of each other?  (That was my biggest worry.)  The last thing I ever wanted was to be separated from Nic in this middle of this crazy hurricane tropical storm and not know how to find him.  I called him around 3am, and just hearing his voice put my fears at ease.  He assured me that they wouldn't make me leave the house immediately if we should evacuate.  He would find me.  He mostly told me to stop worrying and reminded me that we faced wind storms in Lubbock with much higher winds than this hurricane tropical storm was producing.  Sigh.  I wish I didn't have to think of every.single.little.thing that could go wrong.  This is one time when it doesn't pay to be detail oriented.  :-(  Of course, it all ended up going off without a hitch in our area.  We didn't even lose power.  The eye of the storm just missed us; went directly north of us, so we just got the outer edges.  Thank you, God!  They even let Nic come home a day early (Monday night instead of Tuesday night).  It was nice to see him again.  :)

Unrelated to the storm, I've been really trying to hit the CrossFit hard lately.  Nic reminds me quite often that we're paying for me and that we should just cancel my membership if I'm not going to make it a point to go.  I seem to always find fifty million other things I need want to do when it comes time to work out.  (The dishes! My nails! Finally time to just relax ALONE!)  But these last few times, I begrudgingly drug my feet to get there, and have always been happy upon leaving.  It's such a triumphant feeling walking out of a place with an endorphin high that you almost decided not to have.  Not to mention that it really helps when more and more clothes start to fit like they used to.  I've noticed a difference in my workouts as well.  I'm getting stronger each time and don't quite feel like I'm going to die in the run during the warm-up like I used to.  :)

Remember my last post in which I told you I had the stomach flu a few weeks back?  Well, I had no idea how much the stomach flu could affect breast feeding.  It makes sense; I lost nearly all the liquid in my body, and there was next to nothing for them to use to produce.  Audra was fed many times that day with a bottle, despite my best efforts and desires to feed her myself.  (It's hard to feed a baby when they feel like they weigh a ton!)  Ever since then, Audra's shown definite preference for the bottle, and has gotten extremely lazy on the boob.  She's supposed to be what helps me produce, and that's not working out so well when she just expects my boob to hand it to her (despite us using the slowest flowing bottle nipple we could find).  So lately, we've had many feeding sessions with her whining the whole time, and me just saying, "It's there, girl, just eat!"  So we're on a strict No Bottle policy for the next week or so and I'm doing all the tricks I can think of. (Fenugreek, oatmeal, pumping after nursing, letting her stay on & suckle if she falls asleep.)  I'd appreciate your prayers, though.  This is definitely stressing me out (& I know stress doesn't help) and testing my faith in my ability to do this.  I KNOW I'm not going to give up.  She would have to be literally losing weight and crying out of hunger for me to quit breastfeeding or supplement with formula. It's just hard to be patient.  I've done some research, and I'm doing all of the things they say to do.  They say just be patient.  I'm hoping eventually she'll realize she's not going to get a bottle again and she'll start eating like her old self when she really wants it bad enough.

So it's definitely a time of new-found strength, in many ways.
As usual, I hope this finds you happy, healthy, & well.  I so appreciate you reading.  :-)