Strange how quickly a tune can change. I had forgotten I titled my last post, "A Happy Heart." Not to say that my heart isn't happy... it's just a LOT more stressed.
Shortly after that post, Nic got his schedule that tells him his days off for the remainder of his program. He was quite disheartened when he saw that he's scheduled to work 3 days immediately after Audra's due date. Not only that, BUT he also had hardly any time to come home and see us because the scheduler had failed to give him extra hours like Nic had requested. He was super bummed about that, and even more bummed that other people in his program were up to 2 shifts ahead of schedule without having asked for that. We knew his program leaders weren't being the most accommodating when it came to giving him time off for Audra's birth, but once the schedule was set it seemed to be even worse than we had originally thought.
We had many a tearful conversation seriously considering what it would be like for me to give birth without him here. I KNOW that military wives do this all the time. And I KNOW it wouldn't be the end of the world. But ALSO, my husband is only 6 hours away! And I'd heard multiple times how the Air Force tries its darndest to be family friendly. ...I just wasn't seeing it. They weren't going to let him out of a shift should I go into labor while he worked, and they were pretty adamant that he had to be at other required things the week of her due date and following weeks as well. In my mind, them saying they're trying to be more family friendly then refusing to work with him on his schedule was just plain unacceptable.
I'm not trying to bad mouth them. I'm sure there is a perfectly legitimate reason. I just don't think that I agree with that reason. My poor husband was nearly in tears with the thought of not being here and feeling helpless to change that-- all the while, being in the same state and perfectly capable of transportation.
At my appointment on Thursday, my doctor asked if I'd ever considered delivering in San Antonio. My initial reaction was a solid, unwavering NO. I believe my words were, "I mean, we can talk about it, but I really don't think that's something we're interested in." We have a doctor we love, a birthing center I'm in love with, great nurses, friends, family ALL HERE. So why would I leave that?
BECAUSE HE'S MY HUSBAND AND AUDRA'S DAD.
No matter how many pros about here I can think of, or how many cons to being there that I can think of, the fact that I LOVE HIM and I can't imagine going through something so major without him outweighs them all. He's the only person in the world that I think I would be ok with making whatever weird labor faces I'll make... whatever animalistic noises (I hear that happens) may come out, whatever nasty ...leakage... happens, or WHATEVER else there is... I'd be ok with him seeing that. I know this man loves me, and I feel comfortable enough for him to see that, by my side. Not only comfortable enough... I WANT him by my side!
So it looks like if Audra can hold off until the 26th, I'll be heading to San Antonio to wait out her delivery. I've heard and read really great things about their new birthing center (opened in Oct.), and am hoping to get a few good recommendations on doctors there. We'll have to get an appointment scheduled for as soon as I get into town, but other than that, I think everything will come together quite easily. The thought of Nic not having to travel back and forth between us and SA, and the thought of him coming "home" to us after his shifts/classes/whatever makes my heart so happy. It's going to be stressful getting there. And it's going to be stressful delivering there, especially after having acquainted myself so well with UMC and the UMC staff. But, like I said, being with him is the most important thing (besides a healthy baby, obviously).
I have to admit, this has all been pretty hard to me. SO MUCH TO THINK ABOUT! I try to remember to put my worries in God's hands and remember that He has a plan that will work out beautifully. I've just always had trouble with trusting in that. I wish I weren't such a planner sometimes! I worry about whether I'll like my doctor, whether they'll follow our birth plan, about breast feeding, whether I'll have everything I need, whether I'll go into labor during one of Nic's shifts (if that were the case, he would still have to finish his shift), about pleasing all of our families, and to top it all off- WE'LL BE MOVING LESS THAN A MONTH AFTER SHE'S BORN. So there's still all of the house stuff to think about. After the normal day of battling the end of the year craziness with 14-year-olds and thinking about all of these personal things, I could just come home and CRASH. But of course, when I try to sleep I can't... because I'm 9 months pregnant.
I guess this turned into more of a vent session than I was intending. There's just a LOT going on right now, and sometimes I feel sad about that. There are times when I wish we could just be "normal" and JUST worry about having a baby, and NOTHING ELSE! I know that a few months from now, when we're safe and settled into our new house in Virginia, none of this will seem as big of a deal. I'm confident, though, that I'll be happy it's over.
I have to admit... I'll be happy for Audra to be able to claim San Antonio as her birth city. I've only been those few times, but I've already decided that it's a pretty rad place to be.
How far along: 37 weeks on Monday
How big is baby: She should weigh somewhere around 6 lbs. right now, and be about a foot and a half (18 in.) long.
Labor Status: Dilated to a 1! Who knew?!?
Belly position: She's dropped a little bit and instead of feeling her mostly in my middle region, I feel her way lower, like UNDER my belly button. I hear this will continue until she basically feels like a bowling ball between my legs. Lovely.
As far as her positioning inside my body, her head is down and her legs are up, more toward my right side.
Maternity clothes: I pretty much feel like I wear the same things over and over... well, because I DO! I wish I had more $ to have a large maternity wardrobe. The only light in this tunnel is that here in a few months I should hopefully no longer need these wardrobe pieces.
Movement: Moving all the time! I've noticed her movements change a bit. Now, instead of just kicking or flailing her hands and arms around, she's been pushing OUT. I think she's getting a little cramped in there! Sometimes she'll push straight up (into my ribs) or straight down (into my bladder), but the FUN ones to watch are when she pushes straight out on my stomach.
She still gets hiccups at least twice a day, usually 3 times. Earlier in the week, she had hiccups so hard that my name tag at work (which hangs on a lanyard) was moving from her hiccups. I pointed it out to a few kids and now I hear them tell someone about it almost every day. They thought that was just so cool! :)
Exercise: Only two times this week. Like I said, it was sort of a stressful week. Pretty sure my heart rate rose enough for me to just say I worked out 3 times. :)
What I'm loving: The fact that there are only 2 WEEKS left of school! I'll miss my colleagues, but MAN will it be nice to have school checked off the list and be able to focus on Audra and her birth.
Oh, ANNNNND baby shower #3 is TOMORROW! Once again, another exciting thing that I looked forward to on the calendar is HERE! Can't wait to see all of the cute, fun things that Nic's mom and aunt put together. They are quite wonderful. :)
What I'm NOT loving: All of the things swirling around in my head! I'm so ready for some peace and for things to be calm. Funny... I remember when things were so calm and peaceful, I would wish for SOMETHING to stir things up just a bit. And now I'm taking it back... give me peace, give me calm, give me low-stress & happiness!
I'm also not loving the fact that I feel sort of like a beached whale. I'm the largest I've ever been in my whole entire life. It's weird to picture myself in my head then see this other person in the mirror. This would make an interesting psychological study, come to think of it. ...I'm just not used to this body. I want ME back!
What I miss: My husband being mine, all mine, and not having to share him with the Air Force. But that's not changing any time soon. I miss good sleep, too.
I think Virginia Beach on a few of Nic's days off will be a MUST. Some R & R will do us good.
Hopefully your lives are a little more stable and less stressful at this moment!
Love you all!
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