Cloth Diapering: If at first you don't succeed... (Part 1 of 2)

When you start planning on having kids (or when you're surprised with a pregnancy; either way), you undoubtedly think of how much your child is going to cost you (monetarily, amongst other things). When your little one's a baby, you know that you're going to be shelling out some bucks in diapers.  It's something you need SO MUCH of that people shower you with them in addition to other gifts before the arrival of your bundle.  So when Nic and I started planning for a family, we started thinking of ways we could save money.  We know that cloth diapering has come a long way, so we decided they'd be a great way to save some cash.  And also, they're better for the environment.  And later, we found out that they can actually better for your baby as well.  Win-win-win.  We knew that cloth diapering would take some initial cost up front, but in the long run, cloth diapering would save us money.  So the question became, which cloth diaper do we use?

Cloth diapers today aren't the same cloth diapers my mom wore.  I have one of her HUGE safety pins that someone lovingly pinned her diapers together with back when she was ity bity.  Cloth diapering in 2012 is a little different.  Overwhelmingly different.  No safety pins, no single layers of fabric; we've got options.  LOTS of options.  (Options that still include those that were used on my mom.)  When I started researching, I saw hybrid diapers, all in 1 diapers, single layers, double layers, and to be honest... I had no idea what most of the stuff was that I was reading about.  So I researched.

We decided on diapers called gDiapers.  They seemed easy enough.  You buy the outer shell in the size you need (they come in S, M, L, XL).  The greatest part was, they come in such cute colors!!!

The shells have little snap-in pouches that hold the cloth.

Then you buy the cloth in the same size as the diaper and stuff it in the pouch.

Easy enough, right?  So when she goes "potty," you change out the cloth and put in another.  If you need to, snap in another pouch.  After explaining it over and over (I admit, it sounds like a lot of steps), I finally got Nic and our families on board with the g's.  I was SO excited when she finally got big enough to fit in her g's!

But all the cuteness in the world couldn't make up for what happened with the g's:  ...LEAKAGE.  :( At first, I told myself it would take some time to properly put them on her; we needed to figure out how tight everything should be.  Maybe we needed to smooth something or make sure the seal was properly placed, or adjust the aplix (velcro).  So we smoothed and adjusted and kept trying.  When they didn't leak I'd think, Yay, I figured it out!!! only to experience a leak the next time I put them on her.  I had such perseverance, but all to no avail.  In all, I'd say they leaked about 25% of the time.  Most of the time, it was just a little bit around her legs... but still, they leaked.  The breaking point was when the shell didn't even catch the leak.  I was nursing her and her pee literally ran down my stomach.  Enough was enough.  Wasn't the whole reason she was wearing a diaper to stop things like that from happening?

Finding out that the cloth diapers I chose [after ALL THAT research] didn't work was disappointing.  Make that SUPER disappointing.  It made me feel as though I didn't properly do my research.  I started second-guessing myself.  Didn't I research?  I did, didn't I?  Didn't I stay up until wee hours of the night [er, morning?] looking at different diapers and reading about them and looking at prices and benefits and reading reviews?  Yes, I sure did. So why was I coming across more diapers that I felt like I'd never seen or heard of before?  Where were those the first time I was researching?  That was the feeling I kept getting.  And the answer is-- I don't know.  I don't know why I didn't come across those new options that I recently found, but I'm glad I did.  I have to admit, it took some convincing to get Nic on board with another cloth diaper.  After all, we'd been using disposable since the g's were leaking, and the disposables were easy.  You just throw them away!  But shelling out $30 twice a month just wasn't appealing.  I knew there had to be a better way.  I knew there had to be a cloth diaper that worked.

So I did more research and decided on a new diaper, which I'll talk about in my next post.  I wanted to take the time to show you the g's and walk you through my thought process because the g's played a big part in learning about cloth diapering.  I can't even diss the g's; they work wonderfully for other babies.  Babies with chunkier legs, I think.  The thing about cloth diapering is, it's a process.  You can research until all the names run together and everything sounds confusing and you're dreaming about cloth diapering, but it won't matter until you actually get to try them on your baby.  That is really the only way you can test whether they'll work.  Not every cloth diaper works for every baby; you have to find what works for you.  And unfortunately, my first try didn't work for us.  I didn't talk much to my family about how disappointed I was in the fact that they didn't work, but I really was.  Both Nic's and my family had spent generous amounts of money buying us our first g stash, and I felt a bit like I was wasting their money.  Also, I have numerous friends and acquaintances with brand new babies who are cloth diapering, and seem to have found the perfect diaper the first time and have it all figured out so quickly.  Why couldn't I be the put-together mom with the definite answers who had it all figured out so fast?  After being a teensy bit jealous, I had to put my ego aside and just be happy that it's working for them and then hope and pray that this next diaper I chose wouldn't result in defeating me too. ::this process is a bit exhausting::

Since they didn't work, I am selling these g's. If you have a chunky monkey baby and would like to give them a try (after all, look how CUTE they are!), I will sell them to you for cheaper than you can find them at stores or online. Look here and contact me!  :)

My 2nd BIG DAY (AUDRA is BORN!!!)

Marrying Nic will always be my 1st BIG DAY. It was a wonderful, magical day, set by the sea and included a small group of our closest family and a few friends. Giving birth to Audra will forever be my 2nd BIG DAY.

My last post left off when I got admitted into San Antonio Military Medical Center (SAMMC) around 2am on Sunday, June 10th. I was just ecstatic that I was dilated to a 4. The contractions weren’t all that fun, of course, but I WOULD BE HAVING A BABY VERY VERY  SOON!!! Part of me wanted to cry (already!) because I was so happy; the other part of me wanted to cry because I knew this was only the beginning and I would be in so.much.pain. in the very near future.  While I was still in the 1st room (the triage room before a more permanent room is assigned), an anesthesiologist came in to tell me all of my options.

From even before I was pregnant, I had always wanted to have a natural delivery.  I don't know if it's that I wanted to be tough, or if it was the negative effects of certain medications that I learned about from documentaries like The Business of Being Born or Born in America, but either way- I felt I had a pretty high pain tolerance and I really was up for the challenge.  Every time I've had to over come some sort of pain in life, I've always felt better and stronger for it.  So was my goal for delivery.

So in walks the anesthesiologist, and I'm all I'll listen, but I won't be needing that.  He had to give his shpiel anyway, and I was intrigued when he said that epidurals don't effect the baby.  I'd always heard that they do-- that the baby can be groggy, and a few other things.  I don't know if he meant HIS epidurals don't effect the baby, or if the type he uses doesn't... I'm just not sure why his information was contrasting to what I'd heard.  Regardless, I wasn't interested.  He told me that he'd be in a c-section for a while, should I change my mind, and yada yada yada... that's all good and thanks for telling me.

Around 3:30 or 4am, I get moved into my delivery room.   The contractions were becoming much more intense.  I really had to stop everything and breathe through them.  Looking back, I know that a lot of things needed to be different in that room:  1) The lights needed to be lower, 2) The nurse needed to LET ME GET IN A ZONE.  The nurse I had was a SPAZ.  She sort of looked like a drug addict (way too thin, highlights grown out), and she was all over the place.  She insisted that she had to keep the monitors on me to monitor the baby, even though my water hadn't broken and I've NEVER had any reason to need monitoring.  Every time she put the monitor on my stomach, it slid to a spot that made me have a contraction.  After a few times, I started to see the pattern of monitor=contraction.  Since the contractions were so painful, I was really squirming from the pain each time she put it on.  Then it would slide, I'd have a contraction, and the whole thing would start over again.  We seriously did this for about 2 hours.  There was no "zone" involved.  All through this, she's practically screaming, "We HAVE to monitor THE BABY!"  I'm all, "OK!!" and she puts it on me, it slides from all the gel again, I have a contraction and she freaks out again because OMG THE MONITOR ISN'T ON THE BABY--- WE HAVE TO MONITOR THE BABY!!!  All through the classes I attended, particularly the Natural Childbirth class, I'd been told how you just have to find your ZONE.  I couldn't find my zone.  Not at all.  As a result, I wasn't able to breathe through the pain like I'd been taught, or to imagine those warm sunny places, or picture myself as a strong African woman who can get through anything (for some reason, I think of Sojourner Truth), or to think of the contractions like going up a big hill, then back down.  NO, I DIDN'T GET TO do any of that.  All I got to do is be annoyed by the stupid nurse and just complain to Nic about how bad it hurt.

Nobody ever tells you what that pain is like.  Everyone I knew that'd had a baby was all, ya- it hurts! But nobody tells you the details.  Nobody told me that the contractions would take all that my body had; would make me weak in the knees and make me feel like throwing up.  They didn't tell me that my body would become so tired from working that every muscle would twitch.  I remember looking at Nic, my eyebrows were twitching and my eyes themselves twitching, my lips were trembling, and he said it:  Are you having second thoughts about the epidural?...  Of course, I'd thought about it! I was glad he said something, because if he hadn't, I would have before too long. He was so loving and told me to go ahead and do it, that he wouldn't think less of me at all.  He continually reassured me that there was no way to predict this feeling, and he knew the epidural would help.  So around 6:20 we told the spaz that we'd decided to get the epidural.  At some point during all of that, my parents had texted Nic to see if they could come back.  Seeing as I was in the worst pain of my life, I was in no mood for visitors.  I told them, sorry, not right now.

And thus begins our new problem:  remember that little bit of information :::...I'll be in a c-section for a while if you change your mind...::: ...I changed my mind.  And he was in a c-section.  It felt like ETERNITY before he finally got there, but in reality I think it was only 25 minutes.  Keep in mind that my pain was to a point that I wanted it that instant, so 25 minutes later it had continued to grow.  Someone came in to check dilation shortly before the anesthesiologist got there, and that person said I was dilated at a 7, almost an 8 (out of 10 in case you don't know much about birthing).  The anesthesiologist finally came in around 6:45, and told me that I needed to be still while he injected the needle, which would be 10-15 minutes.  When your body is spasming and you're in so much pain, it's hard to sit still.  Nic stood in front of me, and bore what is now one of my favorite labor memories.  I put my head on his shoulder and breathed in his neck; he took long deep breaths and told me to copy him, and I did.  That was EXTREMELY helpful, and both of us asked why we didn't remember to breathe like that sooner.  Oops.  Oh well.  [Upon reading this post, Nic says we couldn't remember the right way to breathe because the drug-addict/spaz was too distracting.]  Within minutes of the epidural, I felt next to no pain at all.  It was amazing.  AND I could still move my legs, which I'd always heard I would be unable to do.  I told Nic my parents could come back now.  We sat and visited for a while, and when Matt & Abi arrived at the hospital, they joined us in the room too.  It really was amazing how much better the epidural made me feel.  It's important for me to say here, that I have a CRAZY WONDERFUL amount of respect for any woman that gives birth without an epidural.  To know that you went through that pain and did so without any numbing is mind-blowing.  You will forever be a strong and amazing person for that.

Waiting...

The spaz finally gave report to our new nurse around 7 am.  Our new nurse's name was (get this)... AUDRA!  And she was the most lovely nurse I could have ever hoped for.  I wish she were my night nurse.  She was pretty and funny and made me feel completely comfortable and not at all self-conscious.  So Matt, Abi, my parents, and Nic and I just sat (well, I layed) visiting for a while.  I drifted in and out of sleep since I was tired from Friday's events, and from being up all night Saturday into Sunday.  Around 9:30, a doctor checks dilation and breaks my water.  I don't remember how far dilation was at this point (to be honest, I was kind of out of it).  She also says I should be able to start pushing around 10:30.  EEEK!  Pushing?!?  That definitely made me nervous.  But I was too sleepy to get all worked up at that very moment.

Everyone's talking, and I'm sleeping, and in walk all of these people and someone loudly says, "Are you ready to have a baby?  It's time to push!"  I look at the clock and it wasn't even 10:30 yet.  I think it was around 10:25.  All of my family except Nic leaves, and I start feeling very overwhelmed.  They really startled me from my sleep, and I hadn't had time to process all that was going on in that moment.  (Nic jokes that he forgot to tell them I need to look at Facebook on my phone for about 10 minutes, then they could have continued; this is my usual wake-up routine.)  (...pre-baby wake up routine that is...)  It just seemed that I was sleeping, then all of a sudden, Audra (my nurse) and other people are standing over me, explaining how to push.  I'm too confused to even listen to their directions.  I just start half-way crying, saying I don't know HOW to push!  They all insisted they'd tell me what to do as it happened, but to get ready because when the next contraction came, I would be pushing.

By this point, the epidural had worn off enough for me to know when I was having a contraction.  I could feel it building and they told me alright, take a deep breath and push!  They held my legs and counted to 10 while I pushed, then once they got to 10, they quickly said "take another deep breath and PUSH!" so I did while they counted to 10 again.  By the second 10, the contraction was over so I rested to gear up for the next push.  I was so numb down there from the epidural, I had no idea what was going on.  After about 3 contractions of pushing, I asked Nic "Is she out?!?"  Nic laughed and said no, that he couldn't even see her yet.  The doctor said she was making her way around the pelvic bone.  I pushed a total of about 50 minutes.  Our little Audra was born at 11:17am.  I gave my last, hardest push then they pulled her out and immediately placed her on my chest and covered us with a blanket.  Nic and I both cried tears of joy and I just kept looking at her in disbelief and feeling her warm slimy little body.  I'd waited so long for that moment, and there it was.  So THAT is what it's like to have a baby.

We cuddled for a bit, then it was cut abruptly short.  The doctor informed me that I had a tear they needed to stitch up, and the lighting in the delivery room wasn't bright enough for them to see.  The doctor explained that I didn't tear on the outside, like I was probably thinking, but instead my tear was vertical up the vaginal wall. That's why they needed better lighting.  I had never in my life heard of a tear like that happening during birth, so I was kind of surprised.  Thank God I'd gotten the epidural!  I was completely oblivious to the tear.  :)  And I really wasn't all too worried about it; I had a new little baby to be excited about!

They whisked me off to the OR while Nic got to stay in the delivery room and give Audra her first bath.  A nice nurse took some pictures of him.  As I lay there on the operating table, tears came to my eyes.  It was the first time I was able to take it all in.  I'd just had our little baby.  On Sunday.  And Matt & Abi were still there; my dad was there; Nic was off work.  It was the most perfect timing imaginable.  I got weepy realizing it had to be God helping us in all of this. Any time I doubt or am scared, He's always come through and blessed me even more than I could have imagined.  I prayed for a while on that operating room table, and eventually fell asleep.  I just had to ask, out of curiosity, how big the tear was.  The doctor informed me that it was about 5 inches straight up the vaginal wall.  This tear has (obviously) caused me a lot of discomfort, and is something that is still sore to this day (almost 2 months later).  It's nowhere near as painful as it was the 1st days after I delivered.  If feeling 100% is the goal, I'd say I'm at about a 90.  The worst part about it is how much it's prevented me from doing, namely CrossFit.

Baby's First Bath

So I got stitched up, and then joined my little family in the delivery room.  The three of us cuddled as a family for a while, and I fed Audra for the first time.  After a while, Mom, Dad, Matt & Abi came in and met Audra.  It was a really exciting time for all of us.  After a few hours, I moved to post-partum.  And thus began life with a baby:  never really sleeping, always looking at her, and learning what it feels like to be a mommy.

The happy family.

The first few days, I remember being EXTREMELY overwhelmed with love, and lots of worry for our little baby.  I'm sure it was largely due to the hormones adjusting, but I would sometimes start crying, thinking about something bad ever happening to her.  I would tell Nic, what if other kids are mean to her?  What if someone tries to hurt her?  What if she gets kidnapped?  I just want her to be happy...  I would worry that she'd stop breathing in the middle of the night and die from SIDS, or that she'd slip out of her swing somehow and it would keep swinging and attacking her and she'd die. She was (is) so small and helpless.  I just felt an overwhelming desire to make all things GOOD for her.  All of those 'what ifs' were really getting to me.  He finally said something that really hit home for me:  God was with her on the day she was born, and He'll be with her throughout her life.  Knowing this has helped me when I start to think about all of those 'what ifs' again.  

As I type this, she's sitting in my lap, babbling her cute little baby talk and her arm is somewhat flailing about since she still doesn't have gross motor control.  She is the most beautiful, sweet baby that I've ever seen.  Even when she wakes up at the crack of dawn, for a moment I think, UGH, awake already... but then I see her sweet face, and sometimes she even smiles, then my heart melts and I am JUST SO HAPPY to see and be with my sweet little baby again.

She is truly a blessing, and I thank God for her every day, multiple times a day.  Now that we're in Virgina, we're really getting a chance to be together and get to know each other. She's one funny, gassy little gal!  ;)  We waited for her arrival for so.SO.long, and wondered what that day would be like.  It's nice to know that it's over, and it worked out PERFECTLY and now we have a cute little wiggly baby to hold and love.

Tricky Business ("practice" labor & pre-delivery days)

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I think it's only appropriate to give credit where credit is due.  A friend I cheered with in high school, Molly Hoskins, recently gave birth to her beautiful little man and also blogged about her birth experience.  Reading hers made me realize how many details were already slipping from my mind.  It was just what I needed to get mine out of my head!  :)


All the movies make labor seem so fast and simple.  Like IT’S TIME FOR THE BABY, LET’S GO!  Then they show them rushing to the hospital, nearly running out of time, and the next scene there's this beautiful baby.  Nobody told me that labor in real life is way more confusing.  This is the story of my confusing labor, and next post I’ll tell you all about the day she arrived.

Monday, June 4th

My due date was on Monday, the 4^th of June.  As you may have read in other posts, I was in the unfamiliar city of San Antonio to be with Nic, so I didn’t have a set doctor there.  My doctor in Lubbock was the last person to check any progress in dilation, and that was two and a half weeks before (on the 17^th of May).  At that time, I was only dilated to a 1.  Fast forward to the 4th, and still I could feel nothing going on down there.  We were SO curious as to what the progress was, so we made up a little reason to get checked.  We decided to go in to Labor & Delivery (L&D) and just tell them “I feel pressure down there,” knowing that they would check my cervix/dilation.  We were right!  They checked, and I was dilated to a…. 1!  :-(  How disappointing right?  So we figured we’d just keep hanging out and she would come when she’s ready.

Tuesday

(WARNING: This will be way too much TMI for some of you…)  Around 6:30 Tuesday evening, I was in the bathroom, going #1 and then I was finished, but still sitting there.  Another huge gush of water came out.  I looked up and thought to myself, Did my water just break?  I told my mom what happened (well, after pulling up pants & washing hands haha), and she asked me if I wanted to go to L&D or what I wanted to do.  I decided to call L&D to just ask, but nobody answered.  I tried to call Nic at work to ask his opinion, but he didn’t answer.  I tried to call Nic’s (and my) nursing school friend who works in L&D in Lubbock, but she didn’t answer.  I was so excited but apprehensive to go in, because I didn’t feel any contractions.  Finally Nic got off work at 7:00, and called me.  I explained the situation.  He decided to just walk up to L&D since he was at the hospital anyway, and ask them.  The instructions he passed on were to put a pad in my undies, and if it was completely soaked within an hour to go in (this would indicate amniotic fluid continuing to leak out).  If the pad didn’t get soaked, then it would indicate that the baby just kicked my bladder and pushed out more pee than I thought I had.  (I found this explanation very bizarre, but I guess it’s possible.)  The pad didn’t get soaked through, and that was the end of that.  Audra had kicked my bladder.  Who knew? (And yes, kind of emburassing...)

Wednesday

By now, it was two days past my due date and I was EXTREMELY antsy.  Imagine having to sit there and kill time, knowing that at any moment, labor could start and you could be experiencing one of the hugest moments of your life.  I would give ANYTHING to know when that moment was going to be!  So we decided to go back into L&D and tell them “we think my water broke, but we’re not sure” (using Tuesday’s events as an excuse).  Even though we were pretty certain that it hadn’t broken, we knew they would check the cervix.  And we were right.  [Yes, I know, we were being that couple that keeps going in to the hospital.  I didn't care one bit!]  I was laying there, just crossing my fingers (right hand only) & praying to God that something had progressed down there.  Then we got the news: I was still only dilated to a 1.  Talk about a mood killer!  I was so sad I could almost cry. A church friend from Jeff City told me that her doctor had stripped her membranes and that her labor progressed very rapidly after that.  I decided to give that a go.  We asked the doctor who was seeing us if she’d strip my membranes.  She gave me some sort of explanation why they didn’t really believe that stripping membranes did any good, but after a little prodding from me, she finally agreed to do it.  The procedure was mildly painful for all of 15 seconds, and then it was done.  Back “home” we went to hurry up and wait.

Thursday

Nothing.  We continued to pray and wait.

Friday 

I'd been looking forward to Friday all week because Nic's sister (Abi) and brother in law (Matt) were coming to town from Fort Worth.  Of course, they were hoping to see the arrival of Audra, but if anything it'd be fun to see them for the weekend.  I'd been having contractions all day, on and off. (!!!)  They felt like Braxton Hicks, and that's what I figured they were due to their sporadic nature.  The four of us had dinner at B.J.'s Brewhouse and then we showed Matt and Abi our carseat/stroller system and hung out with them for a bit.  After we got home, the contractions started getting more frequent and my excitement level started going up.  Nic had to work Saturday, so we went about our normal bedtime routine.  When I laid down to bed, the contractions continued.  I had read if the contractions continue or get stronger when laying, they could be the real thing.  I started timing them with a contraction timer on my iPhone.  They were getting closer together.  They didn't seem to be getting more painful, but the timing was right, and they were definitely contractions.  Around 2:30, I woke Nic to tell him they were about 4 minutes apart and asked him if we should go in.  I decided to shower, just in case it was time, and see if they continued.  They did.  We called L&D and they said to come on in.  I was so excited, knowing the next time we walked in our room/home away from home, we could have our new little BABY with us!!  

We went into the hospital around 4:00am (Saturday) and explained what'd been happening.  They checked my dilation, and this time there was progress!  ...but only 1 cm of it.  I was dilated to a 2.  I couldn't believe it!  They said they only admit if dilation is at a 4 or greater.  By this time, it was about 5:45, and Nic needed to be at work around 6:30.  The doctor told me to walk around the hospital for a few hours and then they'd see if it progressed.  We all got some breakfast at the hospital, then Nic went ahead and went down a few floors to spend his day at work.  Mom and I walked around every nook and cranny that hospital had to offer. I continued to have contractions, but they were starting to get less frequent.  :-(  In my heart, I knew it wasn't time for her to come yet, but I just wanted it to be so badly!  After a few hours, we went back up and they checked the progress again.  Much to my dismay, there was no progress.

The doctor told me it was just "practice labor" and that they "weren't real contractions."  I was confused about why I would be having contractions at regular intervals, more painful than the typical Braxton Hicks, but they weren't real?  The doctor said that my uterus was practicing having contractions at regular intervals.  And that the "real" contractions would be MUCH more painful.  She said I would definitely know.  I was very discouraged, because I thought I DID know.  She said the "real" contractions would probably come very soon; either that very same day, or a few days later, but she told me to not be discouraged-- this baby would be coming before too long!  She advised me to go home and get some sleep.  

By this time, it was around 8:00 Saturday morning.  Mom and I went home to sleep.  My dad was scheduled to arrive in San Antonio later that evening.  I was excited to see him but oh.so.tired!  And sad to be going home.  :(  I wanted my baby!!!

Saturday

I finally got to bed around 9am; sleepy from timing contractions and then being in the hospital all night.  I felt bad sleeping the day away, especially since Matt & Abi were there to visit.  But they completely understood and had their own fun in S.A. that day.  I woke around 5:00pm, though I didn't really feel rested.  The contractions had continued throughout my sleep, and kept waking me up. Later that evening I greeted my dad, then he & mom went out on a date night.  (My mom was sounding like a high school girl the way she talked about how much she missed him before he arrived.  It was cute.)  Matt, Abi, Nic & I had dinner at Panera.  My stomach was still in pain, and the contractions were still coming, though not regular, but somewhat strong.  I only ordered a bowl of soup and couldn't even eat the whole thing.  

Matt asked what the contractions felt like, and the only thing I could equate it to is this:  the feeling when you've got to go #2 (haha) but there's no bathroom available and your stomach is just doing waves of pain because you've got to go.  I think it feels like that, except stuck at the peak of the pain.  That's what the "practice/fake" contractions felt like.

On the way back "home" after Panera, I felt my first "real" contraction.  It was much more intense and nearly stopped me in my tracks.  I didn't feel another like that until later that night.  We went back to the hotel and said goodnight to mom & dad, then sat out by the pool.  The 3 of them drank some beer on the nice breezy evening; I stuck with my Panera water.  :)  Around 10:00, the pool closed, and Matt & Abi went back to their hotel.  Nic and I settled in.  We talked all day about how great it would be if Audra came Sunday since Matt & Abi had to leave Sunday evening, and since my dad had finally made it to town.  We watched some TV before bed and the hard contractions started coming.  They weren't very close together, but I was excited to feel a different type of contraction than before.  I went ahead and showered before bed, just in case I had to go into the hospital later.

Nic went ahead and went to bed (his first time sleeping since before we went in on Friday night), and fell asleep instantly.  I, on the other hand, was timing contractions.  Again.  Second night in a row.  I laid there with my phone on beside me and pushed the little button as soon as one came.  This time I was squirming from the pain until it stopped and I pushed the button again.  When I was really REALLY squirming from the pain and they were 4 min. apart, I woke Nic up and told him I thought it was time FOR REAL this time.  This was about 1 am.  We called L&D and they told us to come in.  We called my parents and told them not to come just yet-- we'd call them if I got admitted.

We went to the hospital and the whole way there I was praying I'd be at a 4 or greater.  When I finally got into triage and got checked, I was elated to hear I was at a 4!  They went ahead and admitted me.  We called mom and dad... excited that we wouldn't be heading back until we had a baby!

As you can guess, she ended up coming on Sunday.  Her actual delivery is too long to include on this post, so I'll post that one next.  But it just goes to show that labor is tricky!  People kept asking me if I thought she was coming soon (the week and days before she came).  I was like, I don't know?!?  I've never had a baby before... I don't know what it feels like... I guess I was just supposed to have some motherly instinct or connection to her or something.  But no.  I had no idea what was happening down there.  Of course things felt different; but all sorts of things felt different since being pregnant!  I just couldn't tell what was actually the start of labor and what wasn't. 

I'm excited to tell you how delivery went... and more excited to have it written for myself and to show Audra someday.  

If you made it this far, thanks for reading!  I hope you're happy, healthy and well! 

Love, Stefanie

It's All So New

There has been SO MUCH happening since that last post!  We welcomed the cutest, funniest, most precious and most loved baby EVER to the world on June 10 at 11:17 am.  Audra Kayte Williams was 6 lbs and 7 oz, and was 19.5 inches long.  She was born at San Antonio Military Medical Center.  Her timing was SUCH a blessing from God.  When I think about it too hard, it still makes me want to cry.  I was so nervous that Nic would be working when she came (he wouldn't be able to leave his shift to come be with me if that were the case).  She decided to come on the weekend when Uncle Matt & Aunt Abi (Nic's sis & bro in law) were in San Antonio visiting... and the day right after Grandpa came.  It really was amazing.  I doubt you care as much about this as I do, but listen to this:  Matt & Abi came on Friday, and needed to leave on Sunday.  My dad wasn't able to make it in until late Saturday night.  Nic had off Saturday and Sunday off.  Audra came on SUNDAY-- the day when all the visitors were there and Nic didn't have to work!  A day sooner, and my dad wouldn't have been there.  A day later, and Matt & Abi wouldn't have been there and Nic would have to be working.  There were a few times after she was born when I was overcome with worry for her and her future (call it hormones if you must), but Nic was very reassuring saying that God was with us through her birth and He'll be with her through her whole life.  In addition to what I just told you,  I REALLY want to tell you all about the whole birthing process, but that will have to wait for another day.

 This is a picture of her birth announcement.  Wish I had an electronic version.

Like I said, she was born on a Sunday in San Antonio.  Nic graduated his Nurse Transition Program the following Friday.  We drove that same day (Friday) home to Lubbock.  The normally 6 hour drive took us 9 hours.  Babies are A LOT of work!  :)

We were home for about 2 weeks.  In that time, my parents flew back to Missouri, we had Audra's newborn pictures taken, Andy & Kateigh (Nic's brother & sis in law) came from L.A., Abi & Matt came from Ft. Worth, we spent a LOT of time at Lolli & Pops house (Nic's mom and dad's), had our house packed up for the move to Virginia (Nic's new assignment now that his Air Force nurse training was complete) and said our goodbyes.  We drove about 30 hours to Virginia and arrived on June 29 to our new home.  Our things arrived on July 4, and we've ever so slooooowwwwwlllllllyyyyy been unpacking.  My dad couldn't have said it better:  my time is 90% looking after Audra, 10% anything else I need to do.  Things are getting better each day.  We can tell she's starting to "generally accept life" (as I had read is one of the stages of infancy) and is less fussy than she was right out of the womb.

Really, things couldn't be better with our little sweetie pie.  She does everything she does WONDERFULLY.  She eats wonderfully, poops and pees wonderfully (and by that, I mean A LOT), even sleeps wonderfully.  I had been waking her for the first month to eat during the night... but the more I read that people are really split on whether this is necessary or not, I decided to stop and let her wake me.  Just for night time.  And since then, we've all be much better rested.  Last night, she couldn't keep her eyes open around 10:30, so we put her down.  She didn't wake up until around 8:00.  Isn't that AMAZING?!?  That's the longest she's slept so far.  And she ate like she'd never eaten before when I went in to feed her.  LoL.  But she wasn't upset or anything, or acting like I was a bad mommy for letting her go so long without eating.  So, as far as night feedings go, I'll let her wake up and tell me when she's ready (just like I do during the day).

Things here are slowly falling into place.  We're trying out a church, and we'll continue to try different churches until we see all that we're really interested in and feel like we've found a good match.  We're really looking for something similar to The Crossing in Columbia (Missouri).  We LOVED how the Young Professionals group did a lot outside of church and therefore became a really close-knit bunch.  We didn't find that in Lubbock and we both really wish we'd worked harder to have that instead of settling so quickly on a church.  So we're not going to stop until we find that group we're looking for here.

I'm eager to make some friends.  Haha that sounds so sad, or nerdy, or desperate... we just don't know anyone here.  Nic knows some guys from work, and one of them just moved in across the street from us.  I was able to meet his wife (who's from AUSTRAILIA!!), and their 3 kids (one of which is a 7 month old baby girl!), and I think we'll get together quite often.  We've met other neighbors and people from church, but everything's still so new that we just don't really feel comfortable yet with anything.  It'll be nice when the house is settled (pictures to come), and enough time has gone by that it's not awkward to get together with the new people we've just met.  I forget how much time it takes to make new friends and build those relationships.  But it'll happen. 

I'm so enjoying the beautiful trees, and the fact that there's SO MUCH to do around here.  Of course, I haven't done any of those fun things yet because I've been a feeding slave 90% of the time and been unpacking with the other 8% (2% is left for me to shower, use the bathroom, and eat).

(Note how small the cars are compared to these trees.)

I really can't wait to show you all pictures of things here.  Now that we're here, I'll try to be more diligent about updating.  I so appreciate you all reading.  I hope your summer is going well (for all my teacher friends, I'm sure it's going WAY too fast!) and I hope you're staying cool.  I love you all!

Stefanie

The Waiting Game [40 weeks]

There's been a lot happening since my last post, and I tend to get a bit wordy so my goal is to keep it short and sweet here. 

For my last post, Nic and I had decided to deliver Audra in San Antonio so that he would for sure be able to attend her birth.  The plan at that time was for me to join him in S.A. after school got out, then get acquainted with the hospital and things at that time.  ...The hospital in S.A. had other thoughts.  We made the decision to deliver there on a Friday, and the OB clinic was closed for the weekend.  Nic worked a night shift Sunday into Monday morning, so after he got off work on Monday he stopped in the clinic to talk with someone to give them a heads up on our situation and see if there was anything further we needed to do.  They basically told him that me arriving that close to my due date was not enough time for me to establish care within their system.  They said if I wanted to deliver there then I needed to get myself there ASAP.  (You and I both know that they can't legally deny care, but the fact that it wouldn't be optimal was enough for me to go along with it.)  Cue the start of my whirlwind week:  Monday I talked with my principals (who were AMAZINGLY supportive of me doing what I needed to do), Tuesday I talked with HR (who was also AMAZINGLY supportive, making Tuesday my last day of school (!!!!)), Wednesday I packed up everything I'd need for birth, new baby, and living in S.A. for a month, Thursday I had my last Lubbock OB appt and then hit the road!  I arrived Thursday evening and have been in San Antonio ever since. 

I was able to establish care here within their system, have had a few appointments, and have basically just been hanging out and tying up any and every loose end before she arrives.  Her due date was actually YESTERDAY but still, we have no baby.  :-(  I am really really really REALLY hoping she comes on her own (with the help of everything we're trying), otherwise they'll schedule an induction toward the beginning of next week.  We're thinking the induction would be either Sunday the 10th, Monday or Tuesday.  We'll just see when they're able to schedule it.  But AGAIN, I've always had this goal of doing the whole thing naturally so I really REALLY don't want to induce.

My mom also had an AMAZINGLY supportive workplace, who allowed her to come join me here for the arrival of our little bundle.  Mom arrived here in San Antonio about a week after I did, and has been here ever since.  We've shown her the way to the hospital and Labor & Delivery, and we've all gotten quite settled in a nice little routine.  She's able to work from here, which is nice, so she's gotten a lot accomplished while I sleep in or Nic and I busy ourselves on days when he's off.  It's been so nice to have some mother-daughter time!

Here's the LAST pregnancy update.  CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?

How far along:  40 weeks & 1 day

How big is baby: She should be about 7.5-8 lbs right now (though Nic is convinced that she's not quite that big since neither of us were)

Labor Status: We went into the hospital on Friday (not due to contractions, but more b/c we wanted to know the progress of dilation), and I was still only dilated to a 1 (same as 3 weeks prior when my Lubbock OB had checked).  But that was 4 days ago, and apparently a lot can be happening in a small amount of time, so we'll see how it goes.

Belly position: She's dropped a TON!  I can really tell she's getting ready for her debut!  It's been a relief to be able to breathe again with her off of my lungs.  Her head is down, her little booty is against my belly-button area, and her legs are stretched up toward my ribs.  I can actually feel her little feet and can tell how cute and tiny they are.  I love it!

Movement:  She's a little mover!  It's pretty cool that I can tell what actual parts of her body she's moving, versus just feeling the movement as a whole.  For example, I can tell she's stretching her back and pushing her bottom out, or I can tell she's stretching her legs and her feet are pushing out, or that she's having hiccups, or that she's moving her head around.  I love knowing her orientation and being able to picture her moving in there.

Part of me thinks I'll really REALLY miss feeling her little movements in there.  It's so comforting to know my baby's safe and sound and growing inside of me.  Nic and I took a walk a few days ago and I was saying how sad it has to make mommies knowing that their little babies make unsafe decisions or put themselves in harm's way.  I wish I could ensure that she'd be safe and warm forever.  But I guess that's the start of letting them live life. 

Exercise:  EVERYTHING feels like exercise now.  My body is in serious baby-concentration mode.  Going to the store and going on walks is about all the exercise I get.  I've been trying to walk every day, to help with dilation, and at the end of the day I am absolutely exhausted.  In fact, Nic wakes up around 5:00 for work, works a 12 and then is ready for bed relatively early.  I sleep in until anywhere between 9 & 11 and am still quite ready for bed when he is.  I'm SO THANKFUL to be getting caught up on sleep before Audra's arrival!

What I'm loving:  Knowing I'm going to get to lay eyes on her ANY DAY now!!!  I think about her all the time!  What will she look like?  What will her cry sound like?  Will she be a good eater?  Will she latch correctly?  Will she have hair?  I just can't wait!!!

I'm also loving all the relaxing I'm able to be doing.  I've been making Father's Day gifts (for Nic and both our dads), hanging out with mom, enjoying life with a baby on the inside.  :)

What I'm NOT loving:  The anticipation!  It's killing me!

What I miss:  Home.  Living for a month away from your home is not the same.  We're in a pretty nice Extended Stay hotel here.  It's got everything we need:  living room area, kitchen, queen-sized bed, plenty of bathroom space, room for Audra's bassinet, swing and other things... but it's just not the same as being home.  However, my heart is here-- with Nic-- so as the saying goes, doesn't that make THIS my home?  ;)  I'll be happy when our whole little family makes it back safely. 

Well, say your prayers that we don't have to induce!  My next post will probably be introducing our little angel and telling you our birth story. Thanks for reading!

A Mess of Stress [37 weeks]

Strange how quickly a tune can change.  I had forgotten I titled my last post, "A Happy Heart."  Not to say that my heart isn't happy... it's just a LOT more stressed. 

Shortly after that post, Nic got his schedule that tells him his days off for the remainder of his program.  He was quite disheartened when he saw that he's scheduled to work 3 days immediately after Audra's due date.  Not only that, BUT he also had hardly any time to come home and see us because the scheduler had failed to give him extra hours like Nic had requested.  He was super bummed about that, and even more bummed that other people in his program were up to 2 shifts ahead of schedule without having asked for that.  We knew his program leaders weren't being the most accommodating when it came to giving him time off for Audra's birth, but once the schedule was set it seemed to be even worse than we had originally thought.

We had many a tearful conversation seriously considering what it would be like for me to give birth without him here.  I KNOW that military wives do this all the time.  And I KNOW it wouldn't be the end of the world.  But ALSO, my husband is only 6 hours away!  And I'd heard multiple times how the Air Force tries its darndest to be family friendly.  ...I just wasn't seeing it.  They weren't going to let him out of a shift should I go into labor while he worked, and they were pretty adamant that he had to be at other required things the week of her due date and following weeks as well.  In my mind, them saying they're trying to be more family friendly then refusing to work with him on his schedule was just plain unacceptable. 

I'm not trying to bad mouth them.  I'm sure there is a perfectly legitimate reason.  I just don't think that I agree with that reason.  My poor husband was nearly in tears with the thought of not being here and feeling helpless to change that-- all the while, being in the same state and perfectly capable of transportation. 

At my appointment on Thursday, my doctor asked if I'd ever considered delivering in San Antonio.  My initial reaction was a solid, unwavering NO.   I believe my words were, "I mean, we can talk about it, but I really don't think that's something we're interested in." We have a doctor we love, a birthing center I'm in love with, great nurses, friends, family ALL HERE.  So why would I leave that? 

BECAUSE HE'S MY HUSBAND AND AUDRA'S DAD.  

No matter how many pros about here I can think of, or how many cons to being there that I can think of, the fact that I LOVE HIM and I can't imagine going through something so major without him outweighs them all.  He's the only person in the world that I think I would be ok with making whatever weird labor faces I'll make... whatever animalistic noises (I hear that happens) may come out, whatever nasty ...leakage... happens, or WHATEVER else there is... I'd be ok with him seeing that.  I know this man loves me, and I feel comfortable enough for him to see that, by my side.  Not only comfortable enough... I WANT him by my side!

So it looks like if Audra can hold off until the 26th, I'll be heading to San Antonio to wait out her delivery.  I've heard and read really great things about their new birthing center (opened in Oct.), and am hoping to get a few good recommendations on doctors there.  We'll have to get an appointment scheduled for as soon as I get into town, but other than that, I think everything will come together quite easily.  The thought of Nic not having to travel back and forth between us and SA, and the thought of him coming "home" to us after his shifts/classes/whatever makes my heart so happy.  It's going to be stressful getting there.  And it's going to be stressful delivering there, especially after having acquainted myself so well with UMC and the UMC staff.  But, like I said, being with him is the most important thing (besides a healthy baby, obviously). 

I have to admit, this has all been pretty hard to me.  SO MUCH TO THINK ABOUT!  I try to remember to put my worries in God's hands and remember that He has a plan that will work out beautifully.  I've just always had trouble with trusting in that.  I wish I weren't such a planner sometimes!  I worry about whether I'll like my doctor, whether they'll follow our birth plan, about breast feeding, whether I'll have everything I need, whether I'll go into labor during one of Nic's shifts (if that were the case, he would still have to finish his shift), about pleasing all of our families, and to top it all off- WE'LL BE MOVING LESS THAN A MONTH AFTER SHE'S BORN.  So there's still all of the house stuff to think about.  After the normal day of battling the end of the year craziness with 14-year-olds and thinking about all of these personal things, I could just come home and CRASH.  But of course, when I try to sleep I can't... because I'm 9 months pregnant. 

I guess this turned into more of a vent session than I was intending.  There's just a LOT going on right now, and sometimes I feel sad about that.  There are times when I wish we could just be "normal" and JUST worry about having a baby, and NOTHING ELSE!  I know that a few months from now, when we're safe and settled into our new house in Virginia, none of this will seem as big of a deal.  I'm confident, though, that I'll be happy it's over. 

I have to admit... I'll be happy for Audra to be able to claim San Antonio as her birth city.  I've only been those few times, but I've already decided that it's a pretty rad place to be.

How far along:  37 weeks on Monday

How big is baby: She should weigh somewhere around 6 lbs. right now, and be about a foot and a half (18 in.) long.

Labor Status: Dilated to a 1!  Who knew?!?

Belly position: She's dropped a little bit and instead of feeling her mostly in my middle region, I feel her way lower, like UNDER my belly button.  I hear this will continue until she basically feels like a bowling ball between my legs.  Lovely.

As far as her positioning inside my body, her head is down and her legs are up, more toward my right side. 

Maternity clothes:  I pretty much feel like I wear the same things over and over... well, because I DO!  I wish I had more $ to have a large maternity wardrobe.  The only light in this tunnel is that here in a few months I should hopefully no longer need these wardrobe pieces. 

Movement:  Moving all the time!  I've noticed her movements change a bit.  Now, instead of just kicking or flailing her hands and arms around, she's been pushing OUT.  I think she's getting a little cramped in there!  Sometimes she'll push straight up (into my ribs) or straight down (into my bladder), but the FUN ones to watch are when she pushes straight out on my stomach. 

She still gets hiccups at least twice a day, usually 3 times.  Earlier in the week, she had hiccups so hard that my name tag at work (which hangs on a lanyard) was moving from her hiccups.  I pointed it out to a few kids and now I hear them tell someone about it almost every day.  They thought that was just so cool!  :)

Exercise:  Only two times this week.  Like I said, it was sort of a stressful week.  Pretty sure my heart rate rose enough for me to just say I worked out 3 times. :)

What I'm loving:  The fact that there are only 2 WEEKS left of school!  I'll miss my colleagues, but MAN will it be nice to have school checked off the list and be able to focus on Audra and her birth.
Oh, ANNNNND baby shower #3 is TOMORROW!  Once again, another exciting thing that I looked forward to on the calendar is HERE!  Can't wait to see all of the cute, fun things that Nic's mom and aunt put together.  They are quite wonderful.  :)

What I'm NOT loving:  All of the things swirling around in my head!  I'm so ready for some peace and for things to be calm.  Funny... I remember when things were so calm and peaceful, I would wish for SOMETHING to stir things up just a bit.  And now I'm taking it back... give me peace, give me calm, give me low-stress & happiness! 
I'm also not loving the fact that I feel sort of like a beached whale.  I'm the largest I've ever been in my whole entire life.  It's weird to picture myself in my head then see this other person in the mirror.  This would make an interesting psychological study, come to think of it.  ...I'm just not used to this body.  I want ME back!

What I miss:  My husband being mine, all mine, and not having to share him with the Air Force.  But that's not changing any time soon.  I miss good sleep, too. 

I think Virginia Beach on a few of Nic's days off will be a MUST.  Some R & R will do us good.



Hopefully your lives are a little more stable and less stressful at this moment!
Love you all!

A Happy Heart [36 weeks]

I just had a WONDERFUL weekend with my handsome husband!  He had a few days off from his clinicals so he was able to come home and meet me here on Friday evening.  Here's a quick recap of my weekend and all the reasons I loved it:

Friday
After school, I went to get a pedicure since we were having pictures taken Saturday morning (the fact that my toes didn't even show b/c I was wearing heels is beside the point).  Everything about this month-- the weather, the fact that there are 3 weeks left of school, the fact that the pool is open-- is screaming SUMMER!  I opted for a bright pink with teal polka dots.  For now, my summer is living on my toes.  :)


THE HUSBAND:  As if this even needs an explanation... every time I see his sweet smiley face and feel his arms around me, my heart melts and all is right in the world.  He gave me my first Mother's Day present!!!  Since he won't be here next weekend, he made sure it happened early.  It consisted of a really precious card and then a Willow People figurine of a couple with their new baby.  The title of it is Our Gift.  My mom had gotten us one with a man and his pregnant wife, so this that he got me for Mother's Day was PERFECT!  I know our Audra isn't quite here yet, but it's not too much longer!  I cried happy tears and we sat in love until we were too hungry to sit any longer.  :-D  We ate at Cancun then watched TV in bed while I fell asleep (we were both pretty tired as he had just worked a night shift and... well... I'm about 9 months pregnant).
I felt like a giddy little school girl with my husband's presence near me for the rest of the weekend.

Saturday
The same lady that's taking Audra's newborn pics (Lynette Reeves with Only Imagine Photography) also took our maternity pictures.  It was great to meet her, and I cannot WAIT to see what she did!  We took them in two locations: 1) at the Veteran's Memorial where my dad swore Nic in as an AF officer, and then 2) at a local park where there are lots of trees and a pretty playa lake with a fountain.  I'm thinking they'll look pretty sweet!

The rest of Saturday was spent doing CrossFit, finally eating Chipotle again (for some reason the thought of it made me nauseous for months), having dinner with his parents and taking home the baby clothes his mom washed.  (She's pretty awesome, btw.)

Sunday
Sunday was our day of relaxation.  We slept WAY in, watched a podcast from church, lounged some more then did a bit of shopping.  I was able to get some foam paper to use as separators for Audra's clothes, a maternity swimsuit, and Nic got some classic children's stories he'd seen at Barnes & Noble (we got The Secret Garden and A Little Princess).  I'm in love with the fact that he wants to read to her SO BADLY.  I simply cannot wait to witness this!  Almost too much cuteness for one heart to handle.

Nic helped me fine sort the baby clothes (his mom had pretty much already done this) and we got the separators in their spots.  Looks good, don't you think?

After that, the only bad things about this weekend happened... and within minutes of each other:  Nic left, then the garage door broke.  Boo and boo again.  I said my goodbyes and then shut the garage as I went inside and heard a huge loud noise as soon as I was in the house.  I looked and saw that one of the springs had snapped.  Well, crap.  We knew it needed to be looked at b/c the springs were loose and it was making weird noises, and finally the thing fell apart.  So it's out of commission for a while... hopefully our landlord will have it looked at in the near future.

And before I leave, here's the update:

How far along: 36 weeks tomorrow!  4 weeks till our due date!!!

How big is baby: Weighs about 5 lbs. now! And holy moly can I tell! ;)

Maternity clothes:  Just bought a maternity swimsuit today.  I don't care if those cute skinny college girls stare at my huge belly... it's HOT outside and I WANT TO SWIM!  :)  And plus my friend Kristine goes and she's pretty pregnant too, so it'll just be a little preggo party out there for us.

Sleep:  Not good.  I did make a new arrangement in which I sleep inclined and also with a pillow between my knees.  This helps keep my hips from falling asleep, but it's a hassle to turn over since you have to move the pillow, move your belly, etc.  I don't think I go more than 1 sleep cycle (about 1.5 hrs) without waking up.  Yuck.

Movement:  She's our little mover!  I love it!  Actually, yesterday was kind of a milestone in her movement:  she actually hurt me!  Her head is down and her feet are up, slanted to my right.  She stretched and kicked my right rib right in the bone.  I've heard of this happening, but her strength and sneakiness was startling.  And we still have a whole month left.
When she's fully stretched out, which she does every now and then, I feel like her head is down past my hip bones and her feet are all the way up by my ribs.  It amazes me how BIG she is!  She's been pressing out more lately and I can actually feel her little feet if I put my hand under my ribs.  If she curls her legs up extra, I can tell where they are.  Sometimes when she stretches, her head (or hand) goes right into my bladder area and it's the most sudden insane urge to use the bathroom I've ever experienced to this point.  Usually she'll stay that stretched out for only a few seconds, then she'll move back to where she was and the feeling will go away.  I guess it's getting pretty cramped in there! 
She gets the hiccups multiple times a day.  It's fun for me to feel her rhythmic movements.  It's fun to let other people feel those, too, since I know she can't stop them.  :)  Last night when I was sleeping she had them SO HARD that it was jolting my whole body.  I was dreaming while this was happening, and I was telling someone in my dream that Audra was hiccuping and having them feel my stomach.  Then I woke up and realized it was happening for real.  It was kind of funny.  She got them again later in the morning and again after we ate lunch.  3 times a day isn't uncommon for the hiccups; for us anyway.

Belly-button:  An innie that is sticking out.  You'll get to see it when the maternity pics are up. 

Exercise:  4 times this past week.  Woot woot!  Monday, Tuesday, Thursday & Saturday.  So easy & so quick, but it's something.

What I'm loving:  The countdown!  I've always been told + or - 2 weeks from the due date... so realistically, she could come in only 2 weeks!  I can't believe how fast it's going by!

What I'm NOT loving:  Not having a nursery.  I had another little pity party moment there earlier in the month because so many of my friends are posting pics of their cute nurseries as they prepare for their babies.  And they're due AFTER me.  I've got a guest room with a bunch of baby stuff not at all in its place (except for the clothes).  The crib isn't set up (and won't be until after we move), we've got no bedding and no decorations for the walls.  I know all of this will fall into place VERY quickly after we get to Virginia... I just wish I could do it now.  I'm ready to nest her room into perfection but I can't.  My mom keeps telling me to keep my head up, that she'll help me get it all settled once we get to Virginia, and I fully believe her.  So for now, I just stare at everything while I blow dry my hair in the mornings.  I can't wait for her to have her own space.

What I miss:  My husband, of course.  Being able to bend over.  Rolling over without using my hands and feet to propel me.  Breathing like normal.  Running errands without feeling like I ran a marathon (not that I ever have, but I can imagine).


That's all, and according to Nic, it's past my bedtime.  Haha.  Goodnight!